Confessions of the Confused
by Three AM
Summary: For every battle, every success and failure, every laugh and tear, what is she thinking? Sakura's deepest secrets, exposed! (might be KakaSaku)


_Standard disclaimers apply here._

* * *

**CONFESSIONS OF THE CONFUSED  
****_Three AM_**

_Like How Everything is Supposed to be_

xxxxxx

The water is cold as the tip of my toes reaches it. I am sitting on the ledge of our bridge, waiting for god knows what. I don't know. No, really I'm not kidding. I don't know why I am here. Earlier, I was walking down the dusty and busy streets of Konoha when I just realized that my feet were leading me here, in our meeting place. Our bridge.

I like the view here. I can see the different colors of the rooftops as well as the wide and narrow roads of our village. The people look like ants from here, always busy even at this time of the night. I can also see the outlines of the Hokage's faces sculptured from the mountains. Their faces aren't that huge from my place but when looking from the bottom of the mountains, they look enormous and really intimidating. Like they are _really_ Hokage and you cannot mistake them for someone else.

And to think that Naruto is dreaming of becoming one. That was a total laugh back then. I didn't take him seriously as a kid. But now we're all Jounins and know better, the whole Hokage idea seems less farfetched as the days pass by. He just changed.

Everyone changed.

Did I change?

I don't know.

I stand up and finally decide to head home. Home is just a lone flat suited at the third floor of an unsuspecting building. It is anything but glamorous. At least I can keep it clean and… uh, sleepable (if there's such a word). The rent is okay. Sometimes I can pay, especially whenever after the office gives me my Jounin salary. But there are times that I don't get so lucky. I know my salary isn't stable and when I don't receive as much money as I expect, oh well. I can still tolerate Takehiko-san's loud yells, even if his spit is getting all over me. He is my landlord, as if I can do anything!

But as much as possible, I don't want to go back to my parents, because I know the moment I will step into their house, they'll just look at me with that smug I-know-you-will-end-up-like-this look. And I _hate_ that look.

I am trying to be independent now.

Hell yeah.

When I finally reach my doorstep, I pause, sensing a familiar chakra emitting from the inside of my flat. I ready a smile as I insert the key, turn the knob and push the door open.

"You're late," comes a biting growl from the man sitting comfortably in my couch. The whole room is dim and the only light is coming from the full moon outside my windows. I don't bother switching the lights on. I actually like the murkiness tonight. I think it suits the mood… whatever the hell that means.

I raise a brow in reaction. "I didn't realize we're going to have a meeting," I reply. The nerve of him!

Naruto pouts. He looks so cute whenever he does that. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I just admit that Naruto, the village's idiotic loudmouth, is undeniably adorable, that is, when he wants to be. Stupid boy, ahem, man doesn't know it.

As I was saying…

"Still, Sakura-chan! You're not supposed to be out at this hour!" he complains.

This time, it is my turn to frown. "Do you realize what you just said to me? Are you implying that I can't take care of myself?"

"No! Sakura-chan—"

But I didn't give him a chance to explain. Serves him right. I move on, "I'm a fully-pledged Jounin for a year now. I've just graduated from Tsunade's apprenticeship as a medic-nin."

"Sak—"

"And for your information, I've had as many missions as you and still counting!" Well okay, maybe I am exaggerating a bit. But ha, as if I'm going to admit that. "So don't go telling me what I'll do and not do and where I'll go because I'll be wherever the hell I want to be."

"Jeez, Sakura-chan. You don't have to rant at me, you know," Naruto says, scratching the back of his head. "You know too well that I know you're capable of yourself. But you also know I just can't help it, right?"

I calm down a bit now. I know what he is trying to say. I know very well how he can react towards me. Naruto is one of my best friends and I also consider him as my big brother, what with how he is too overprotective of me at times. I find it really endearing, because I've always dreamed of having an older brother who will take care of me and see over me always. And I find that in Naruto, who would have guessed?! The whole thought is laughable, but it is a mutual understanding between us. He is one of my family and I am his too, as her surrogate little sister. Can I really turn my back on him when I know about his "family" history and all? Of course not. And there is also the fact that we had been teammates for years now!

I love Naruto as he is.

"Yeah, I know that," I say quietly. I flop down on my couch beside him and lean back. I close my eyes, feeling so indescribable at the moment. I don't know why my best friend is here. Sure, there had been countless of times when he visited me at the most unexpected hours of the day and night. But tonight… There is something odd about it.

With my eyes still close, I feel him lean against me. That's when I realize something is indeed bothering him. He can't stay quiet for a minute and a Naruto who can is definitely thinking of something.

Gasp! Naruto, thinking!

Back to the topic….

"What's wrong?" I ask. I open my eyes and look at him. He is staring at my ceiling. I wonder when was the last time I cleaned my flat…

"I know who my father is."

I straighten and look at him fully. _That_ gets my attention.

Minutes pass, but I didn't say anything. I am shocked, honest to say. We had been together since our genin years and we also had talked about his unknown parents. And now we're both Jounins, I never expect that he will still find something about his family, or _anything_ about his parents for that matter!

This is getting weirder by the minute. Naruto still hasn't said anything. Just when I seriously think he has frozen in my couch, he begins to tell me.

"The Fourth is my father," he says so softly that if I am not sitting so close to him, I wouldn't have heard it.

And boy, am I surprised when I did.

"Are you serious?" I blurt out, staring at him incredulously. I know that the Yondaime was the one who sealed the Kyuubi inside Naruto and the fact that my friend does resemble closely the former Hokage might just have been a _big_ coincidence. But, c'mon… it isn't like everyday you get to hear your best friend say that he is a child of _the_ Hokage!

Naruto blink and finally turn to look at me. For the first time in my life, I can't read his eyes. I think at this moment, they are of a deeper shade of blue than normal.

"Yeah," he croaks. He clears his throat and takes a deep breath. I can see his eyes moistening under the moonlight from my windows.

I scoot closer to him, if that's possible. I also decide to put an arm around him. "How did you know?" I ask.

"Pervert-sama told me."

And I still can't get how he could call his mentor like that. Though admittedly, Jiraiya is indeed a pervert! But still, he's an elder and a Legendary Sennin at that!

"He said so many things about my father. You know, he said that he was just like me… but only that he was more tamed and restrained. But do you know, he was super cool…"

He continues to say everything Jiraiya told him earlier today. Sitting here, embracing Naruto, and I guess, comforting him while he is telling me about his father, who once had been the Hokage of our village, is a bit surreal. I know I should have guessed right away that somehow, Yondaime should have had a connection with Naruto. But now learning that he is indeed Naruto's father still comes as quite a shock.

Naruto ends his tale. He is now resting his head over my shoulder. Though I can't see his face, I can feel that my sleeve is soaking through my skin. I tighten my arm around him and place my head gently atop his.

"I am confused as what to feel, Sakura-chan," Naruto admits. He sniffs. A sudden thought occur to me. It's okay if he'll soak my shirt but just that he better not blow on it!

I try not to think about that as I continue to comfort him. "I can imagine how you're feeling right now, Naruto. But aren't you glad you finally learned something about your parents?" I smile as I told him. "We used to talk about them when we were younger, remember?"

"Yeah," he says and I'm relieved to note the small smile behind his tone. "I'm happy about this. Truly I am! It's just that…"

We sober up.

"I didn't get to know him better firsthand," Naruto confesses sadly. "I regret that I am the cause of his death."

"No, Naruto—"

He shakes his head. "Yes, I am. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have died. He would have been here, maybe still as a Hokage. He – I wouldn't have been an orphan. I would still have one parent."

"Listen to me," I start seriously. "It's the Kyuubi's fault. It wasn't your fault that the demon decided to attack Konoha before. It also wasn't your fault that the only way to stop it was to seal it to someone's body. It certainly wasn't your fault that your father decided to act upon his responsibilities as a Hokage and did what he had to do."

I paused, letting what I said sink in. "It wasn't your fault, Naruto."

"It was the Kyuubi's?" he ask, unconvinced. "Same difference."

That gets my blood boiling to a certain degree. We had this conversation before and like always, I intend to win this argument once more.

"Now stop it right there!" I exclaim. "You and that demon are different, Naruto. He may be sealed inside your body but you still act and think on your own. Get that in your head."

I hear him sighed. "Whatever."

I know that tone. "You know that we both know I'm right."

I thought he will disagree with me, but to my surprise, he doesn't. "I know," he says quietly. "I guess… I just need someone to remind me sometimes."

"Stupid," I mutter. "Of course I'll always be here for you."

It is my way of saying I care for him so much. It may have sounded a bit careless, but the thing is, we both knew the truth behind every words, insults and teases we throw at each other. It's just how everything goes between us.

I try to look down on him and am relieved to see that he has stopped crying. I wipe his tearstains away in his cheeks.

"Thanks," Naruto murmur.

I smile. Truly.

"Have you had your dinner?" I offer. I know the gesture's quite insignificant because I know what his answer will be, whether he has eaten already or not. But I ask anyway.

"Ramen!" he answers me with genuine cheerfulness.

I don't care if he eats every instant ramen I have in my kitchen, as long as he answers me like before. Like he hadn't changed. Like how everything is supposed to be, always.

We both prefer it that way. It's the only thing we intend to remain constant for the rest of our lives.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** sighs Another fanfic. I'm gonna try pull this off, though I'm more inspired to do this than my other stories. _To Mend Broken Wings_ is currently on hiatus. I'm having a hard time continuing it, seeing as many other fics look like mine now. I'm thinking of a new NejiSaku fic with a new plot of course. But I don't know.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter. This is a very different fanfic from most, as there's really not much point in every chapter, just that it revolves around Sakura's thoughts and feelings around certain instances. Pairing? I'm thinking about it. If ever there'll be one for this story, it might be a KakaSaku or SasuSaku. But if I'm demented enough, maybe another NejiSaku or… ahem. Now there's an idea! Hehehe! :D

Oh, and… **Looking for a BETA-READER! Anyone interested?**


End file.
